Recap:
Big in her Logical PC style, decided that emotions were simply an affliction
Little in her creative Apple style, Agreed with Big
Little chose Jesus rather then Hell at Catholic Church
Big had a shift right after graduating High School into Hope that there was a better way to handle Emotions through becoming a Jesus Follower
That began a long season of Push-Me-Pull-You between Little and Big
The journey to seeing Emotions are a Gift has been a process of peeling layers
With little to no childhood memories, Big was caught between a rock and a hard place
Big’s experience--resulting from stuffing and ignoring emotions according to Little’s pattern--left her in the pit of expressing Emotions in a volcano of Anger or walking in Emotional Numbness like a zombie.
Big didn’t know what she didn’t know...
Over Time, Big read her Bible cover to cover multiple times, discovering the Correct and Expected Ways to Behave according to the Rules of Faith. Understandably, Big missed the detail that relationship is what Father wants with each one of us.
Push-Me-Pull-You Journey Part 4
Big’s awareness of her Relational Stumbles began with the Funeral when Big was 11 years old. One of her siblings was very upset with Big for appearing to be so Happy in a setting where Grief at the loss of Mom and Dad was the appropriate Emotion. Yet, it was really Little who felt set free from all of the unmentionable memories that were linked to her parents while Little was in the Emotional Driver Seat, content to sit in the seat of the King of Kings trusting only herself to protect them.
Big was completely unaware of what Little felt.
Big dismissed Little along with Emotions.
Instead, Big had the idea she was watching a movie about her life that had the quality of a dream and would wake up soon. More than that, it’s so funny that Big thought she was in control. Big was operating in her own mind, disconnected from Little yet connected?!?
An interesting detail is that while Little was wired like a creative in the Apple computer lane, Little chose Jesus from the logical angle that typically motivates PC--when presented with choosing Jesus or choosing eternal hell at Catholic Church. Little’s choice was born of Logic rather Emotion. Little’s choice was really more like “anything but hell, already been there” while she chose Jesus it wasn’t exactly heartfelt.
Catholic tradition travels very much along the lines of Working to be Good Enough to receive God’s Love. This can be understood as a Legalistic Lens of seeing the Trinity (God) which blinds one to relationship and the Love available from God who is both a good Father as well as the complex essence of True Love.
This Legalistic Lens was the First Lens that Little viewed God through, so when Big Chose Jesus at eighteen years old--in a place that had another version of Works to earn the way to receiving the Love of the Trinity--Big and Little were in Agreement. The Bible was simply a list of Do This Not That. As the years moved along after high school Big was hungrily learning all that she could about the Trinity. Big would Stumble and Get-Back-Up-Again continually seeking God and repenting along the way.
This Push-Me-Pull-You season was also the scene of the Silent almost Imperceptible Invisible Battle being waged between Big --who handled most things on the Daily--and Little--who ran the Emotional responses of life while Hiding in the Background.
Evidence of this war became very apparent in a Hiding-In-Plain sight manner when Anger would Erupt from the Emotional Volcano that Big had diligently worked to Silence. The Frequency of this repeating Cycle became more visible to those close to Big—the more Big Ignored and Stuffed Emotions. In turn, Big’s desire to be Fixed, made New, & Restored increased as well leaving Big in an almost constant state of Overwhelm as she tried to work for Acceptance and Love. Big didn’t know what she didn’t know.
One day, a family event happened that blindsided Big. An Explosive Expanding of Big’s awareness of the Emotional Pain that had been hounding her burst out with such an upgraded intensity that Big became very aware of it. Emotions, her affliction. Big had been stuffing and ignoring Emotions so long that all she was aware of was simply surviving to the next day.
At this point Big’s 33 year quest following the Hope that there is something Biblical to be done with Emotions took on a laser kind of focus. Getting out of Pain was worth the risk brought by travel into Forbidden Territory as viewed through the Lens of Legalism.
This was also the point that Big finally understood that the only choices Big had control over were her own. Big looked around and saw that all the places where she had expected to receive help from had been exhausted and the fruit of that was, well fruitless. 😉
During this 33 year Push-Me-Pull-You season of Stumbling and Getting-Up-Again, Big was growing an Unshakable Knowing in her Knower that God does not change, He is the only One that is truly Trustworthy. This Knowing persisted in spite of Little’s belief that God was angry and couldn’t be Trusted.
Enter the Missing Translator Hiding in Plain Sight
Always there with Big and with Little--Missing Translator also known as the Helper that Jesus left with us.
Big could see that the Helper Hiding in Plain Sight had paved the way for the Expansion into Forbidden Territory for such a time as this--getting out of Pain. Big jumped into the Unknown of the Forbidden Territory Hanging onto Jesus for dear life with the phrase “Christ in me the Hope of Glory” ringing in her mind.
While partnering with the King of Kings, Holy Spirit (another Name for the Helper) was gently Blowing and Guiding the Flow of Life bringing about the Purpose already ordained for Big and Little.
Jumping into Forbidden Territory was a Holy Spirit Set Up, Hiding in Plain Sight. A Romans 8:28 and Genesis 50:20 style of Set Up that Big came to refer as a Jehovah Sneaky. There are many Bible stories that reveal that pattern.
Romans 8:28 (TPT)
28 So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.
Join me for part 5, coming soon and already progressing. Four part prologue is complete! Visibility is forecast for Saturday morning at the latest, could be later today. 😜